My being a Nigerian youth makes me an authority in identifying wack songs. So I write this article based on the experience I’ve garnered listening to the ‘junk’ which most Nigerian musicians churn out these days in the name of songs. Here are 10 tips which will aid the average listener in identifying a wack song or ‘non hit wonder.’
1) ‘Girl Shake your asset/ukwu/bum bum/baka/ booty or, the way you they wine’
This phrase is self explanatory. So I’ll just go to the next.
2) ‘Before dem they call me monkey’
Dear artiste, you probably look like a monkey, and people are just stating things the way they see it, don’t take it personal, don’t feel slighted and please don’t use it in a song. It’s plain monkeish.
3) ‘The girls now call me honey’
This goes hand in hand with ‘before they call me monkey’. Totally stupid phrase. So predictable also. Has been so overused no one can stand it anymore, please stop. No more abeg.
4) ‘Ibadi ni jo wa’
It’s like other parts of the body do not matter to our musicians. They all seem to focus on the butt. One can blame them though; God knew what he was doing when he created that part of the body. But someone needs to ask our artistes to focus on another part of the body. Ask us to dance with our elbows or something…
We can allow this since it is better than hoes or bitches. Some of us are getting tired of most musicians referring to every girl as ‘baby’ its no longer cool.
6) I can die for you
This is obviously a lie. After Jesus Christ, there is absolutely no human being that can die as a result of the romantic feelings he or she has for someone. This stated, I see no reason why this in should be included in any song.
7) I pop bottles/champagne/Moet/Hennessey e.t.c
There is this clip making the rounds of a wannabe music star shooting a video and one of the models ‘mistakenly’ popped a bottle of champagne that they were showcasing. The star’s reaction was priceless! As in, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. The so called star immediately went ballistic! Accusing the model of trying to ruin him because apparently, he borrowed the bottles and he was supposed to return them untouched. Alas, some of our musicians are in the class of the star in the story above. If you can’t afford to pop the Hennessey you shamelessly mention in your songs, abeg leave that line out. It’s not by force.
8) I get money/mula/pepper/dollars/pounds
Sigh… Another obvious point. On to the next one.
9) All ma lay lay lay lay lay lay lay ladies
When the first musician used this phrase, it was kinda cool. But when every Tom ,Dick and Harry started infusing it in his or her song, it became un cool. Dear copy copy artiste, find your own phrase and stick with it.
10) Unnecessary rhyming
This is not a phrase per say, but when a musician rhymes likes this:
“My girl uses the best cream
So I had to reward her with ice cream
Then off we went to the stream
Living out our lives like it’s a dream”
What else can you do but judge the musician, the song, his record label and those affiliated with him as wack?
This post originally appeared on writer Callilope’s blog suyaandashow.wordpress.com